<!--
fortune = new Array();
fortune[0] = "The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good.";
fortune[1] = "The <I>first</I> deadly sin is to code before you think.";
fortune[2] = "The <I>second</I> deadly sin is to assume the user has all the knowledge the software writer has.";
fortune[3] = "The <I>third</I> deadly sin is not to write proper documentation.";
fortune[4] = "The <I>fourth</I> deadly sin is to ignore language standards.";
fortune[5] = "The <I>fifth</I> deadly sin is to treat error diagnosis as an afterthought.";
fortune[6] = "The <I>sixth</I> deadly sin is to equate the unlikely with the impossible.";
fortune[7] = "Linux is like a wigwam - no windows, no gates, apache inside...";
fortune[8] = "Software is like sex... it's better when it's free. (Linus Torvalds)";
fortune[9] = "Where do you want to go tomorrow?";
fortune[10] = "It's time to close the windows...";
fortune[11] = "I think a lot. (Bill Gates)";
fortune[12] = "Guilt is a great motivation for getting someone to do what you want.";
fortune[13] = "Programming is like sex - make one mistake, and you have to support it forever.";
fortune[14] = "Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations.";
fortune[15] = "Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.";
fortune[16] = "Everything that can be invented has been invented.";
fortune[17] = "Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. (Bob Rubin)";
fortune[18] = "Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. (Woody Allen)";
fortune[19] = "Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume? (Richard Fleischer)";
fortune[20] = "Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.";
fortune[21] = "I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.";
fortune[22] = "Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.";
fortune[23] = "Success is a journey, not a destination.";
fortune[24] = "Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.";
fortune[25] = "Don't suspect your friends -- turn them in!";
fortune[26] = "Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. (Nietzsche)";
fortune[27] = "Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly.";
fortune[28] = "If a fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.";
fortune[29] = "God is love, but get it in writing.";
fortune[30] = "One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.";
fortune[31] = "If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.";
fortune[32] = "Too much of everything is just enough. (Bob Wier)";
fortune[33] = "A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.";
fortune[34] = "You have no real enemies.";
fortune[35] = "Egotist:  A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.";
fortune[36] = "Happy feast of the pig!";
fortune[37] = "Klingon phaser attack from front!!!!! 100% Damage to life support!!!!";
fortune[38] = "Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.";
fortune[39] = "Look before you leap. (Samuel Butler)";
fortune[40] = "Include me out.";
fortune[41] = "Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.  (S.J. Perelman)";
fortune[42] = "Ducks?  What ducks??";
fortune[43] = "PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?";
fortune[44] = "Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.";
fortune[45] = "Give thought to your reputation.  Consider changing name and moving to a new town.";
fortune[46] = "lawsuit, n.: &Agrave; machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.";
fortune[47] = "There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.";
fortune[48] = "ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.";
fortune[49] = "Nothing happens.";
fortune[50] = "Evolution is a million line computer program falling into place by accident.";
fortune[51] = "Microsoft technology -- isn't that an oxymoron (Gareth Barnard)";
fortune[52] = "Laugh when you can; cry when you must.";
fortune[53] = "Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.";
fortune[54] = "There is no such thing as fortune.  Try again.";
fortune[55] = "Staff meeting in the conference room in %d minutes.";
fortune[56] = "The universe is ruled by letting things take their course. It cannot be ruled by interfering.";
fortune[57] = "To generalize is to be an idiot.  (William Blake)";
fortune[58] = "Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish.  Don't overdo it.  (Lao Tsu)";
fortune[59] = "The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. (Gloria Leonard)";
fortune[60] = "Sex is dirty only if it's done right. (Woody Alen)";
fortune[61] = "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant. (Henry Miller)";
fortune[62] = "In theory, theory and practice agree. But not in practice.";
fortune[63] = "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. (H. L. Mencken)";
fortune[64] = "My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.";
fortune[65] = "Human resources are human first, and resources second. (J. Garbers)";
fortune[66] = "Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. (James Thurber)";
fortune[67] = "I'm a bastard, and I'm proud of it! (Linus Torvalds)";
fortune[68] = "I have discovered photography. Now I can kill myself. I have nothing else to learn. (Pablo Picasso)";
fortune[69] = "What's love but a second-hand emotion? (Tina Turner)";
fortune[70] = "Everybody needs a little love sometime. Stop hacking and fall in love!";
fortune[71] = "Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.";
fortune[72] = "When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. (Gracie Allen)";
fortune[73] = "Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. (George Burns)";
fortune[74] = "Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked <em>Brightness</em>, but it doesn't work.";
fortune[75] = "The difference between man and animals is that we don't use our tongue to clean our genitals.";
fortune[76] = "A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.";
fortune[77] = "I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. (Oscar Wilde)";
fortune[78] = "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. (Mark Twain)";
fortune[79] = "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. (Mark Twain)";
fortune[80] = "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. (Groucho Marx)";
fortune[81] = "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. (Groucho Marx)";
fortune[82] = "Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. (Groucho Marx)";
fortune[83] = "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)";
fortune[84] = "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. (Groucho Marx)";
fortune[85] = "Trust is only dangerous when you have to rely on it.";
fortune[86] = "Reality is a dangerous concept.";
fortune[87] = "There is no logical reason why aliens should be hairy.";
fortune[88] = "The choice is very simple -- either you can fight, or you can die.";
fortune[89] = "While there's life, there's threat.";
fortune[90] = "Regret is part of being alive -- but keep it a small part."; 
fortune[91] = "The best way to find a good idea is to have many ideas. (Linus Pauling)";
fortune[92] = "To err is human, to forgive unusual.";
fortune[93] = "Those who can, do. Those who can't, write the instructions.";
fortune[94] = "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. (Albert Einstein)";
fortune[95] = "I'm nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.";
fortune[96] = "If I save time, when do I get it  back?";
fortune[97] = "Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.";
fortune[98] = "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.";
fortune[99] = "Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.";
fortune[100] = "A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say.";
fortune[101] = "If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?";
fortune[102] = "Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough.";
fortune[103] = "Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.";
fortune[104] = "Your future depends on your dreams so go to sleep!";
fortune[105] = "Alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in hurry?";
fortune[106] = "Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop";
fortune[107] = "A good discussion is like a miniskirt - short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject";
fortune[108] = "I am still of opinion that only two topics can be of the least interest to a serious and studious mood - sex and the dead. (William Butler Yeats)";
fortune[109] = "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world. (George W. Bush)";
fortune[110] = "For NASA, space is still a high priority. (George W. Bush)";
fortune[111] = "It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. (George W. Bush)";
fortune[112] = "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe We are a part of Europe. (George W. Bush)";
fortune[113] = "Smart girls use Durex. Smarter ones use Duracell";
fortune[114] = "pro-gram-mer, n.: an organism that turns caffeine into software";
fortune[115] = "You can't depend on your eyes if your imagination is out of focus. (Mark Twain)";

var now=new Date();

function getFortune() {
	return fortune[Math.floor(Math.random() * fortune.length)];
}

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